From Reactive to Rooted: How the Gospel Steadies Us
My grandmother was a businesswoman, a lay speaker in the church, and a fantastic writer. She could draft a message or craft a poem with the ease of a hot knife through butter. She once wrote this poem about me when I was a child, and I’ve not forgotten her words.
Bouncy, laughing, full of fun,
Red hair flashing in the sun.
A loving heart—a friendly smile;
God gave a lot in this dear child
A temper short, and quick to ‘light,’
And just as quickly, it’s forgot!
To know her is to love her-
Would say it just about right.
Jennifer, dear, you’re very special;
You light up my life!
-Mildred Williamson Rogers
While my grandmother’s words are cute and a sweet reminder of her love for me, they also remind me of the many instances growing up that I was angry, upset, or frustrated by people or events in my life. And honestly, I still struggle with this at times. That short temper, “quick to light,” has created many difficult situations that I am learning can be avoided when I put biblical principles into practice.
How we react to adverse conversations and situations reveals where we are rooted. Do we react out of our insecurities and fears or out of our identity in Christ (Colossians 3:3)? If we primarily react to difficulties with anger, anxiety, or defensiveness, we may be relying on our own sense of control or sufficiency or comfort, rather than truly trusting in God.
My two-year-old grandson is a typical toddler. He often struggles to express himself and acts out, yelling or throwing things. When he is upset, I quickly seek to understand what he is feeling but doesn’t know how to express. If I figure it out (he’s hungry or tired), I can meet the need. If not, I just hold him and whisper quietly to him. He senses that all is well, and he will calm down.
As believers in Christ, we too sometimes struggle to appropriately express our pain or frustrations. We may react to difficult circumstances or difficult people with anger, anxiety, or harsh words. Rather than brushing off our behavior, we should allow the Holy Spirit to reveal what fear or unresolved issues are beneath it.
Last month, we explored the biblical concept of lament as the first step in healing old wounds. We learned that we can cry out to God in our pain, not blaming Him but being honest about it and choosing to trust His character, even when the pain is unresolved.
This month, we are going a step further. Once we have expressed our honest hurt or past wounds to God, we must lean into the Spirit’s presence and surrender to His calm. Self-control over our minds, our mouths, and our emotions is the fruit of the Spirit within us (Galatians 5:22-23). We must believe by faith that He dwells in us and wants to empower us in this way.
One practical way we can do this is something I do every day, but it’s actually a practice with roots going back centuries in the church. It’s called the Prayer of Examen, setting aside time once or twice a day to examine our hearts. We ask, “Where did I react in the flesh today rather than in the Spirit?” Then we allow the Holy Spirit to show us, we confess it, and we ask God for a renewed heart (1 John 1:9; Psalm 51:10).
This daily discipline allows us to become more aware of how He wants to form us. When we feel that same flash of anger or defensiveness, we can pause and ask the Spirit the same question I ask my grandson—what’s really going on underneath this? Am I hungry, tired, afraid, hurt? Am I acting out of insecurities, forgetting my identity in Christ? Then we can pray a short prayer asking God for help in that moment to respond as He would have us.
Just as I hold Grant until he is calm, God will hold us and allow His peace to surround us. As we begin to practice His presence—being aware that He is in us, with us, and living through us—we can start to respond to people and situations with calmness, peace, and wisdom in our words (John 14:17, Colossians 1:27). We can remember that we are rooted in His love. The opposition of others or circumstances around us cannot change that (Ephesians 3:17). Rather than always reacting, we can slowly begin responding with grace.
I’m still working with God to grow more like Him—more calm and less reactive to the frustrations that threaten my peace. The tendency my grandmother saw and loved in me as a child is being reshaped, not by my willpower, but by my Savior, who loved me and gave Himself for me (Galatians 2:20).
“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life” (Romans 6:4, NIV).
The gospel is the good news that the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ set us free from the power of sin and death. Let’s tap into that power and walk in newness of life!
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