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Jennifer Hayes Yates

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Four Ways to Love Our Husbands Better

February 14, 2018 By Jennifer H. Yates 4 Comments

14 Feb
4 Ways to Love Our Husbands Better

This year I actually bought a Valentine’s Day gift for my husband. We don’t usually celebrate the holiday–I’ve just never been a fan. I think cards are a waste of money (somebody else’s thoughts on card stock for $5?). I don’t like chocolate (I know; I’m weird). And flowers are best enjoyed in their natural habitat and not dyed different colors and shoved into that mushy green stuff. Don’t get me wrong: I do believe our love should be celebrated, just not on someone else’s terms.

Four Ways to Love Our Husbands Better

But I surely don’t want to minimize the love and affection that people take the time to show one another on Valentine’s Day, thus the gift this year. Never mind the fact that I forgot about it, got it out of a drawer, and crammed it into a bag literally as he was walking in from work. He wasn’t all that impressed. Honestly, neither was I.

But, hey, I tried. And that’s really what counts anyway, right?

You know what I think my husband would appreciate from me more than the $20 shirt I bought him? Love. Real love. Not a card but a commitment; not a gift but my giving; not just words but the willingness to be there and to share the best part of me with him. I am certainly no expert on marriage. The two of us still have much to learn, but the few things I’ve learned in almost twenty-five years of marriage (this December!) I’m happy to share with you.

Because this blog is designed to minister to women, my thoughts today are for wives, so please don’t feel they are one-sided. I’m a woman, so I write for women. I can’t speak to a husband’s role from experience, so I will refrain from commenting.

That said, I want to share four characteristics of love within marriage (learned the hard way).

Love prioritizes.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33, NIV 84).

God first.

Unless we make time to seek God first, we will not be the wives God wants us to be. For the first ten years of my marriage, I put myself and my own needs first. I wanted Kenneth to meet all my needs, but the truth is that only Jesus can meet all our needs. No man needs to live under that kind of pressure. I made both him and myself miserable, until I began to seek the Lord first every single day–not just on the days I felt like it, but every single day.

That commitment not only transformed my life; it transformed my marriage. I began to sit before the Lord and let Him show me the things in my life that needed to change instead of always trying to change Kenneth. Ladies, we must make the Lord our number-one priority if we want to have a peaceful marriage.

Husbands second.

Our second priority should be our husbands, not our children. That one was really difficult for me to learn. Once a woman walks around with an extra heart beating inside her, she never quite feels the same about anyone else on the planet. At least, that’s how I felt. Once I became a mother, my life revolved around my children. Kenneth took the back burner for quite some time, which was so unfair to him. As my children got older, I began to realize that I had neglected time with my husband because I felt so “responsible” for my kids. Truth is, they would have been better off seeing me put their father first instead of them. What a godly example that would have set for their future marriages!

One day, our kids will be grown and leave home. (Trust me, it happens sooner rather than later). Then we will be left to pick up the pieces of a marriage we didn’t nurture for twenty or so years. Wouldn’t it be better to show our kids that their daddy is important to us by sending them to their grandparents while we go on a date? Our children will find great security in seeing their parents care for and  build their relationship with one another.

Love prefers.

“Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).

I know we have all heard a gazillion times that men need to feel respected. We know it, but how well do we actually put that into practice, and what does it look like? Well, I can tell you what it does not look like: belittling, criticizing, or nagging our husbands in front of others. We live in a culture that finds satisfaction in a woman who is smarter, better-looking, and more in charge than her man. From Disney shows geared to seven- and eight-year-olds to sitcoms that make fun of men, our society exploits the marriage relationship in which the woman wears the pants.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wear the pants. I’ll admit, there have been occasions on which I criticized my husband in front of others, but I realize now how demeaning that is. I recently listened to a young lady berate her young man over something, and, honestly, I was appalled–not at her, but at the realization that I have sounded just like that before.

When we put our husbands down, we destroy their confidence that attracted us to them in the first place. Love honors and prefers one another above ourselves. Friends, we don’t have to always have our way or always be right. (Siri solves most of our arguments now anyway). Besides, being right is highly overrated. How much better would it be to let our husbands have their way, defer to them, prefer them, build them up, rather than always trying to get our way? And what a much better witness that would be to our children of the roles that men and women should fulfill in a marriage.

Love protects.

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life…Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land” (Proverbs 31:10-11, 21).

You know why this noble wife’s husband has confidence in her? He knows she will respect and protect his reputation. Her husband doesn’t have to fear going to the city gate where the men hang out to do business and hear that his wife has disrespected him behind his back. He trusts her to always speak well of him, even though he knows he is not perfect.

Think about it: we are not perfect either. How would we feel if our man was always complaining to his friends about us? We would be horrified, yet how often do we gather with our girlfriends and talk about how lazy or insensitive or selfish our husbands are? Listen, it may seem funny and cool on the latest sitcom, but there is nothing humorous about trash-talking our husbands behind their backs.

No matter what our friends are sharing about their husbands, and no matter how rotten ours have been lately, we should protect their reputation. Let’s keep our business where it belongs–at home. Men need to feel respected, not only in our presence, but also when we are apart. Let’s protect them as we would our children.

Love prays.

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful” (Colossians 4:2).

Do you want your husband to grow spiritually, to walk in the Spirit, to bear much fruit, to lead his family with wisdom and grace, to be a godly example to his children? Then by all means, pray that for him and with him! If he is uncomfortable praying aloud, ask him if he minds letting you pray for your family with him each night. Take him by the hands and pray for him in a way that will encourage and build him up.

Friends, we have so much influence on our families and our marriages. True love will prioritize God first and our husbands second. True love will prefer him, protect him, and pray for him daily. The more we treat our husbands the way we want to be treated, the more they will become the men of God we long for them to be.

After all, helping our men fulfill the call of God on their lives to be the priest, prophet, pastor, protector, and provider of our families–isn’t that what love is all about?

Need help making time with God your first priority? Take my FOCUSED 15 Challenge and learn how to study the Bible in as little as 15 minutes a day!

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Filed Under: Family Life Tagged With: 5 Keys to Breakthrough, Bible, Bible study, Christian devotional, Christian marriage, devos, devotional, family, Four Ways to Love Our Husbands Better, Holy Spirit, Jennifer H Yates, Jesus, love, loving our husbands, marriage, one thing, quiet time, religion vs. relationship, seeking God, Valentine's day devotion, Walk in Love, women, worship

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How to Break a Stronghold in Your Life »

About Jennifer H Yates

About Jennifer H Yates

Hey, friends! I'm Jen--wife, mama, and empty-nester. I love to write, read, and drink coffee, especially with friends.

I've found that many women struggle to find time and focus to grow their relationship with God through studying His Word. I encourage and challenge women with practical strategies and helpful resources for quality study in as little as fifteen minutes a day.

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We all have a place in the Kingdom. ⁠
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We all have a place in the Kingdom. ⁠
⁠
Click link in bio to read post.⁠
⁠
#prayerwarrior #bedeeplyrooted #prayerispowerful #praywithoutceasing #christianpost #christianblogger #womenintheword #livewithintention #shareyourheart #faithwriter #womenencouragingwomen #wordoflife #seekgoddaily #wordbeforeworld #jesusandcoffee #daughteroftheking #fiercelyhis #womenlivingwell #girlfriendsintheworld #faithblogger #givemejesus #graceupongrace #faithoverfear #seekhimfirst #growingyourfaith #womenoftheworld #intheword #lampandlight #shereadstruth #butfirstjesus

"Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an
"Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel--the gospel he promised beforehand through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding his Son, who as to his human nature was a descendant of David, and who through the Spirit of holiness was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 1:1-4, NIV).
All of Scripture, all of history, all of time has been about Jesus Christ, Son of God. 
Do you know Him? You can. His life, death, and resurrection are historical fact. All so that you could know Him and have eternal life.
Jesus loves you! ❤

"The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee fo
"The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee followed Joseph and saw the tomb and how his body was laid in it. Then they went home and prepared spices and perfumes. But they rested on the Sabbath in obedience to the commandment" (Luke 23:55-56).
Can you imagine the horror these women had witnessed? Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Susanna, and many others had followed Jesus and helped support his ministry (Luke 8:3).
Now all their hopes had been crushed as they stood at a distance and witnessed Jesus' agonizing death on the cross (Luke 23:49). His own mother had to stand by helplessly as her son cried out, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit" (Luke 23:46).
As we women often do, they looked for a way to still serve Him, even in His death, by preparing His body for burial. Sometimes, it's the little things.
When our hearts are breaking and we think we can't take another breath, sometimes we need something in our hands--a burial spice, a casserole, a text that says I'm here.
We can't make the hurt go away, but we can channel it into something useful, something hopeful, something comforting.
As they rested on the Sabbath, I'm sure they anticipated the opportunity to see Him one more time, to minister to Him once more with the spices and perfumes they had prepared.
Hearts crushed, hands open.
Grieved but grateful. Resting but ready.
Because if there was anything they knew for sure, it's that Jesus was no ordinary man. And when hearts are turned toward Him, anything can happen.

God never called us to “blind” faith. We may b
God never called us to “blind” faith. We may believe without seeing, but faith is being sure and certain of what we don’t see, not what we don’t know. ⁠
The Israelites had historical facts on which to base their faith. That’s why God constantly told them to remember what He had done and tell it to their children. Their faith was in what they knew to be true, even though they didn’t always see it with their own eyes. ⁠
We, too, have facts on which to base our faith. The Bible is historically accurate and verified. If ever we needed to know what we believe, it’s now.⁠
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Click link in bio to read post.⁠
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#prayerwarrior #bedeeplyrooted #prayerispowerful #praywithoutceasing #christianpost #christianblogger #womenintheword #livewithintention #shareyourheart #faithwriter #womenencouragingwomen #wordoflife #seekgoddaily #wordbeforeworld #jesusandcoffee #daughteroftheking #fiercelyhis #womenlivingwell #girlfriendsintheworld #faithblogger #givemejesus #graceupongrace #faithoverfear #seekhimfirst #growingyourfaith #womenoftheworld #intheword #lampandlight #shereadstruth #butfirstjesus

It’s something I have a hard time doing. Like mo
It’s something I have a hard time doing. Like most women, when I do get still, my mind is still going 90 mph. I’m so distracted by all the preparations for the day. Sounds a little like Martha, who, by the way, is the one who invited Jesus over in the first place. But like Martha, I have felt the Lord’s gentle rebuke. He wants me at His feet. And really, that’s where I want to be. It’s not about time and focus. It’s about heart and desire. The rest will come. ❤️ #growingyourfaith #jesusfirst #wordbeforeworld #seekhimfirst #javawithjesus #womenintheword

Do you really want to grow your faith? What we fee
Do you really want to grow your faith? What we feed the most is what grows the most. 🍽️⁠
⁠
What are you feeding?⁠
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Click the link in my bio to read this week's post.⁠
#prayerwarrior #bedeeplyrooted #prayerispowerful #praywithoutceasing #christianpost #christianblogger #womenintheword #livewithintention #shareyourheart #faithwriter #womenencouragingwomen #wordoflife #seekgoddaily #wordbeforeworld #jesusandcoffee #daughteroftheking #fiercelyhis #womenlivingwell #girlfriendsintheworld #faithblogger #givemejesus #graceupongrace #faithoverfear #seekhimfirst #growingyourfaith #womenoftheworld #intheword #lampandlight #shereadstruth #butfirstjesus ⁠


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