Rejection and insecurity.
I have battled these for most of my life.
My dad left home when I was twelve, so I spent my teenage years longing for his acceptance. I was bullied in that snide way that mean girls do…you know, not always in outward words so much as the snickering, sideways looks, and general exclusion from their activities. I just never fit in–not in middle school, not in high school, and not in college. I wasn’t cool, I wasn’t popular, I wasn’t funny. And I wasn’t pretty–all the requirements for teenage girls to be “accepted.”
I did have some friends, but somehow that never seemed to be enough to make me feel accepted–because the acceptance never came from the ones who mattered most in my life. Out of that instability grew a deep-seated insecurity. I didn’t feel comfortable in social situations, always feeling awkward and unsure of myself, always worried about what others were thinking of me.
When I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ, I found not only forgiveness, but also acceptance. I found a place of refuge, a strong tower, a hiding place, a firm place on which to stand. My life had value apart from the world’s standards.
That is why I have fallen in love with Jesus and His Word.
“For the Lord will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance” (Psalm 94:14, NIV).
“I have chosen you and not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:9b-10).
My relationship with the Lord is what has given me strength and comfort, hope and healing. And yet at times, I still struggle with feelings of insecurity and fear of not being accepted. When those thoughts and feelings come, I have learned to lean on Jesus. I have learned to hold up my shield of faith when the arrows of doubt and insecurity begin to fly. I used to get upset and angry over others’ bullying spirit toward me, but I have come to realize that that spirit comes out of their own feelings of insecurity. And only Jesus can heal them.
So if you are struggling today with feelings of rejection and insecurity, let me encourage you that Jesus is enough. Meditate on His Word and His thoughts toward you. And worship Him for who He is and not how you feel. His Spirit will surround and comfort you in a way that no human can.
One of the Scriptures that ministered most to me when I first became aware of my insecurities was Deuteronomy 33:12.
“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”
I just couldn’t get over the image of being a little girl, riding on my daddy’s back, my head resting between his shoulders. That is a place of security and rest that can’t be found anywhere else. Let others mock, deride, and think what they will. I am secure in my Father’s love. And they can’t take that away.